World Wide Horse Owner Addicts Anonymous
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Equine Vocabulary
( Please do not be offended. These are only meant as a Funny!)
Auction - A popular, social gathering where you can change a horse from a financial liability into a liquid asset.
Azorturia (Monday Morning Disease) - a condition brought on by showing horses all weekend. Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to get out of bed on Mondays and go to work or school.
Barn Sour - An affliction common to horse people in northern climates during the winter months. Trudging through deep snow, pushing wheelbarrows through snow and beating out frozen water buckets tend to bring on this condition rapidly.
Big Name Trainer - Cult Leader: Horse owners follow them blindly, will gladly sell their homes, spend their children's college funds and their IRA's to support them- as they have a direct link to "The Most High Ones" (Judges).
Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
Colic - The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands at horse shows.
Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
Corn - small callus growths formed from the continual wearing of cowboy boots.
Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil to his horse.
Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.
Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crowhop, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure.
Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
Flea-bitten - A condition of the lower extremities in horse owners who also own dogs and cats.
Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
Founder - The discovery, of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving dinner
Frog - Small amphibious animal that emits a high-pitched squeal when stepped on.
Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn
Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
Girth Sores- Painful swelling and abrasion made at the point of mid-section by fashionable large western belt buckles.
Green Broke - The color of the face of the person who has just gotten the training bill from the Big Name Trainer...
Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.
Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
Head Shy - A reluctance to use the public restrooms at a horse show. Always applies to pit toilets.
Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the barn.
Heaves - The act of unloading a truckful of hay.
Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
Hock - The financial condition that a horse owner goes into.
Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
Horse shoes - Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to throw.
Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
Longeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
Manure spreader - Horse traders
Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
Overreaching - A descriptive term used to explain the condition your credit cards are in by the end of show season.
Parasites - Small children (no flames please) that get in your way when you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten minutes.
Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via transported semen that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter classes.
Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
Quitter - A term trainers have commonly used to refer to their clients who come to their senses and pull horses out of their barns.
Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
Ring worms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail sides at horse shows.
Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie like waking state. Can last several weeks.
Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles from the closest town.
Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their classes at a show.
Versatility - an owners ability to shovel manure, fix fences and chase down a loose horse in one afternoon.
Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
Weaving - The movement a horse trailer makes while going down the road with a rambunctious horse in it.
Whip Marks - The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider caused by the trail rider directly in front of you letting a low hanging branch go. (Also caused by a wet or dry horse tail across the face while cleaning hooves)
Windpuffs - Stallion owners. Also applied to used car salesmen.
Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
Yearling - the age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
Youngstock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground.
Zoo - The typical atmosphere around most horse stables & farms
I was digging through my trunk of keepsakes and ran across this.
Added Feb. 5th 2009
Horse Classifieds - Glossary of Terms
Event Prospect: Big, fast horse
Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow horse\
Pleasure Prospect: Pretty color
Sporting Prospect: Short, fast horse
Barrel Prospect: Fast horse, which can turn.
Endurance Prospect: Fast horse which will turn sometimes
Flashy: White sock
15'2" hh: 14'3" hh
16'2" hh: 15'3" hh
Big Trot: Can't canter within a two-mile straightaway
Nicely Started: Longes, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
Bold: Runaway
Athletic: Runaway
Quiet: Lame in both front legs
Dead Quiet: Lame in all four legs
Good in Traffic (Bombproof): Lame all around, deaf, and blind.
Pony type: Small and hairy
Arab type: Looks startled
Thoroughbred type: Looks terrified
Easy keeper: Fat
Easy to catch: Dead
Elegant: Thin
Black: Brown and/or dirty
Well-Mannered: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week
Professionally Trained: Hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month
Clips, Hauls, Loads: Clippity Clippity is the sound his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.
Should Mature to 16 hands: Currently 14 hands, dam is 14'2, sire is 14'3, every horse in his pedigree back 18 generations is under 15 hands, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow.
To Loving Home Only: Expensive
To Show Home Only: Very Expensive
To Good Home Only: Not really for sale unless you can 1) Pay twice what he is worth or 2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document allowing the current owner to tuck in to beddy-bye every night
For Sale Due to Lack of Time: Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in the hospital
Any Vet Check Welcome: Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
Recently Vetted: Someone else found something really wrong with this horse
Must Sell: Spouse has left home and taken the kids
All Offers Considered: I am in traction for 6 months
Spirited: The former owners couldn't handle him.
Smooth Mouth: He's so old they don't want to tell you his age.
Green Broke: They got him started, but were afraid to finish him.
For an Experienced rider: Like Billy Etbauer, Bobby Mote, or Larry Mahan
Family Pet: He's a bear-cat to shoe, and has never been punished or spoken harshly to.
Related to (then lists several famous horses): Some of his kinfolks were good horses, but he ain't worth much.
Bred to run: There is a race horse somewhere in the pedigree, usually back about six generations.
Daughter lost interest in horses: During her eight months with both legs in a cast.
Ready to go on and do something with: Means he's green-broke, but former owner ran out of knowledge.
All Around Horse: The owner tried about everything with him, but it turns out he's not much good at anything.
A little humpy in the morning: He bucked the owner off every morning, and he didn't ride him in the afternoon.
He'll travel on a loose rein: You have to spur him every step, (peddle, peddle, peddle).
Plenty of get-up-and-go: He will go all day with you pulling back on the reins. (Also know as an "All Day Sucker", it takes all day to ride the sucker.)
Little Light in the back: He'll kick your head off with his hind feet.
Little Light in the front: He'll rear and fall over backwards with you.
Little Ticklish about his feet: The blacksmith has refused to shoe him anymore.
Potential herd sire: The owner didn't want to pay the vet bill to have him gelded.
Look at that color: Don't look at the rest of the horse!~
Look at that head: Don't look at his legs and feet.
Barrel Racing Prospect: It takes two men to hold him while a little girl gets on.
Just a good old honest horse: He doesn't have any qualities worth lying about.
Easy-keeper: Owner Raised his own alfalfa, and never rode the fat off the horse.
All he needs is some groceries: Has bad teeth and worms.
Likes Children: The old man couldn't catch him in the corral.
Three-in-one package (bred mare with foal at side): Owner didn't lake last year's foal, and doesn't think the one she's carrying is going to be any better.
Un-registered Quarter Horse: A Fat Horse.
Un-registered Thoroughbred: A skinny Horse.
Owner is thinning down his herd: Owner has two horses and only four bales of hay left.
Been Rodeod some: He was ridden in the rodeo parade and grand entry. (CAREFUL of this one, it could also mean he was in a rodeo bareback string for the last five years.)
Absolutely fool-proof: He's still alive , but too old to really care anymore.
Good trail horse: He'll go anywhere as long is there is a horse's tail in front of him.
Sound as a dollar: Allowing for inflation that is roughly 14 cents.
A few little blemishes from the wire: They saved his life, now they have to sell him to pay the vet bill.
Gentle as a kitten: Remember Tiger's have kittens too.
Started on cattle (as a cutting horse prospect): Kept in the same barn as the milk cow.
Reining horse prospect: Runs away in a pleasure class.
A good field hunter: Too ugly for the show ring.
Got a lot of gas: He's colicky.
If you don't like him as a stud, you can use a knife on him: If you don't like him as a gelding, you can use the knife on the other end.
No kid with a horse every turned to juvenile delinquency: Mom and dad are selling the horse cause their 15 year old barrel-racer ran off with a 17 year old bull rider.
Has the look of eagles: There are pigeons in the barn and they didn't have time to groom him before the sale.
High withers: Sway Backed.
He's a member of the family, just like one of the kids: His mane and tail need trimming, he's jug headed and takes the bit in his teeth, balks, kicks, fights, won't go where he's supposed to, refuses to work, and runs away a lot...........But he will eat your oats and hay-and wouldn't come home to do that if you'd give him a credit card!
